At This Point of My Life, What do you folks think I should do with My UNWANTED obsession with Momori
  • MM305
     
    June 25
    511 Reputation
    (DISCLAIMER: I'm sure you folks want know the story a bunch of times already, and probably are angry that I'm posting this subject again. But I am serious when I post this, because it's a problem that I have been having for a long time now. So if you want to help, I would appreciated it. If not, Go one with your day)

    I, an American adult male, seem to have this strong unwanted interest with Japanese idol girl group group, Momoiro Clover Z (MCZ). They are my biggest guilty pleasure ever to the point where they are honestly my top artists/group right now..GAHH, IT HURTS TO SAY THAT!!

    It's EXTREME:Y difficult to live your life following this type of act in America or anywhere on the Western side (because that's the situation I am in right now). The fact that this type of girly/cutesy entertainment isn't around in America or anywhere on the Western side of the Globe (unlike Japan)makes this situation even MORE dangerous for me. As well as the fact that the fan bases of girl groups in the West (Spice Girls/Fifth Harmony) are made up of mostly teenage females (unlike in Japan). To prove it, hear and listen to the crowd differences between a Fifth Harmony show and an MCZ show:

    [MCZ] vs. [Fifth Harmony]

    So yeah, for some uncontrollable reason, I seem to have a strong interest to MCZ (to the point where I can't seem to go without a day of listening to their music/watching their funny bits/following their posts/buying DVDs/etc), despite the fact that 1) I DO NOT WANT to have this interest and feel ashamed that I (an America adult male) has this strong of an interest for such a group and 2) It's an interest that can EASILY turn off folks here in the West and can make you a VERY EASY target to be assaulted both verbally and physically. Even if I try to ignore the folks who do such things to me or ask/tell them to "Stop!" (either kindly or confidently), they attack me because they don't to be ignored or told to be stop.

    And in case you ask "how do they know you have such interests?" - I never even have tried to tell or show folks about it (why would I if I know it can lead to even MORE assault)? They find out because they see me or overhear me watching/listening to them. Plus, when you live with folks for such a long time (like family or friends), there's not many things you can do to avoid it from them when you are with them for a such a long time. They are bound to know that you have a particular interest in something when you both live with them AND follow that interest for a while.

    That's one of the many reasons why there are my biggest guilty pleasure, as well as these 5 reasons:

    - 1) It's something you felt uneasy/negative about at first, but then ended up liking for some reason.

    - 2) It's something that would lead to physical (as well as verbal/mental) assaults no matther how much you try to defend/ignore

    - 3) It's an interest that you know is flawed/has its faults, yet you like it because you can't help such a feeling. For example, a song with full racial/sexist lyrics. You may be aware that the song is heavily flawed for its sexual/racial lyrics, and end up thinking “Damn, they are right about this criticism", but you can't stop listening to it! (I could also use Nicki Minaj's Anaconda video as an example for males, because such a "seemingly" objeciifying video may still get males sexually aroused to the point of wanting more of it.

    - 4) I'm liking something that is “out of character/different in personality and approach" compare to yourself. Like this metal guy who admits to liking some pop acts!


    - 5) You are the minority of a fan base that is filled with your opposite gender (like a male liking Justin Bieber/1D/Taylor Swift/boy bands/etc.)

    Now that I confess to you folks about this, I'm asking advice to know what should I do about my UNWANTED fandom with this group? Should I put the extra effort to not follow this group at all? Should I continue to follow them despite me not wanting to despite feeling obsessed with them?

    WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
     
  • June 25
    399 Reputation
    It's an interest that can EASILY turn off folks here in the West and can make you a VERY EASY target to be assaulted both verbally and physically.
    -----------------------
    I'm willing to bet that no one, in the history of the universe, has been assaulted in any way for liking Momoclo. So quit making stuff up.

    You keep painting this picture about the judgemental society you live in, and it's not real. No one cares about your hobbies. You're the one who's constantly being judgemental, not this imaginary "West" you keep talking about. The rest of us live in the same West, and no one ever bothers us about liking a Japanese pop act.

    The worst thing that will happen, if you tell someone that you like an obscure thing they never heard of, is that they'll be really, really bored of the conversation. As they should be. Because your tastes and hobbies are not important. None of this nonsense you keep posting about matters.

    So the answer to your question is: Doesn't matter. Like 'em, don't like 'em. Makes exactly ZERO difference. If you can't decide, flip a coin.
     
  • MM305
     
    June 25
    511 Reputation
    Thanks for answering, but I’m gonna have to ask to stop denying someone when they say they are in danger of being assaiulted because FYI: (Just because bullying doesn’t happen to any of you, DOES NOT mean bullying doesn’t exist at all).

    So when someone is saying that they get assaulted for liking something that is seen to be EXTREMELY obscure around this area by non-Idol fans, doesn’t make it untrue just because you’ve never experienced it.
     
  • MM305
     
    June 25
    511 Reputation
    Accidental comment
     
  • June 25
    399 Reputation
    Still think you're making it up. I am sorry I engaged you though, you're obviously trolling.
     
  • June 25
    76 Reputation
    OK, I'll start by saying that I am also an adult male living in the USA, and I have never been assaulted for openly liking MCZ. Some of my friends might consider it "goofy" at best, but that's about it. Still, apparently whomever you live with likes to beat you up about it for some reason. I'm not you, so I can't say that it doesn't happen to you. What should you do? Make a decision:

    1. If you're ashamed of liking them and/or your life is in danger because of it, then yes, you should probably actively work hard to move on. Get rid of all of your memorabilia, delete your bookmarked webpages (including this one), and stop listening to them, watching them, and reading about them. And get professional help. Go to a counselor and/or church group. They have AA-type programs for other general destructive addictions that aren't alcohol related.

    or

    2. Learn to not be ashamed of things just because others tell you to be. Enjoy what you enjoy in a healthy manner, if you're able to.

    But in the end, you need to look deep within yourself and face your issues. Ask and answer these questions truthfully to yourself. Why do you get obsessed with female Japanese pop groups? Before MCZ was Baby Metal, right? If you quit MCZ, will another group fill that hole and you just find yourself in the same situation all over again? What are all the reasons you like MCZ? Why is that bad? Do you genuinely like the music? Is what they sing about immoral or depressing or traumatizing or otherwise harmful to your psyche? Are you ashamed of liking to watch young girls perform? Are you attracted to them in a sexual way or simple guy-girl like kind of way and that upsets you? Is your like of them innocent enjoyment, or is there something deeper in you that scares or concerns you?

    These can be hard things to face, but in the end, THAT'S what you need to do. If you like MCZ in a completely innocent way, then you shouldn't feel bad just because someone else calls it something that would otherwise offend or bother you. If you genuinely like their music, find them fun to watch, or even find them attractive, that doesn't make you gross, creepy, stupid, or anything like that. But if you have an unhealthy obsession that makes you fantasize about doing weird things, or stare at them in obsessive ways that's beyond just enjoying their art and antics, then yes, you need to stop. There's a line somewhere, a place where it's unhealthy to let your mind cross that line and go to. I get the sense that you border this line, and again, THAT'S the bigger issue. If you can't stay on the healthy side of the line, where enjoyment is just that, enjoyment, and instead go to an area of unhealthy obsession and dark thoughts, then you probably need to cut it altogether. Actively seek help, actively quit MCZ, and deal with your issues with help, again, from a counselor and/or church.

    But, if your enjoyment is innocent, and you are only disrupted by outside forces telling you how bad you are, then you should stand up, fight, and change who you live with. THAT is very unhealthy as well. You should live with people who love and support you, not who tear you down and hurt you just because you like something they may think is weird.

    But if I were to guess, I'd say it's the former. But I don't know you, so I don't know. But if the unhealthiness is within you, and not just around you, don't feel ashamed to get help. Be honest with yourself, reach out, and be honest with them so they can help you. It's not a quick fix. You'll have to find a counselor or group that you can build trust with. That's very important. You need to have trust.

    And I'm sorry that this fandom has been so hard for you. The world is a big place, and is full of both wonders and darkness. Sometimes what you want to do innocently can become dark, and it hurts. It hurts to face your own darkness, whatever that may be. We all have our vices. You joined this community because there's something GOOD about Momoclo and you wanted to openly enjoy that and talk with other fans, but it's become something bad for you. Deal with the bad. Deal with yourself, and maybe in the future you'll be free to enjoy some of these things healthily. And if not, then leave it out of your life and find other things to do. Most alcoholics have to give up drinking entirely, even if their cousin is able to enjoy a beer at a ballgame and not have any issues. That's OK, too, moving on if you simply can't do something healthily. Either way, get help.
     
  • MM305
     
    June 25
    511 Reputation
    Thank you Kurisenshi for answering.

    And I’m not trolling stansfield123. Im just an odd guy who’s living in a world where folks of my kind and my age are into other things and have luxuries that I don’t have, and I’ve been called out for not having those luxuries (license, car, job, etc.), as well as having interests that has gotten me teased/bullied, and I don’t know what to do.

    Kuriesenshi (and Mattthecat) would know because I’ve had long private conversations with them about it.
     
  • ebizoriebizori
     
    June 26
    2452 Reputation
    So what about asking a psychoanalyst about this problem. It seems to me that there you can get more qualified help than on the wotas' forum
     
  • MM305
     
    June 28
    511 Reputation
    Cause you and other wotas are the only ones who understand/accept this kind of fandom, mainly because you are all a part of it. (Though for me, it’s not a fandom, it’s a forced interest).

    So tell me ebizori, what do you think I should do about my unwanted obsession with MCZ?

     
  • June 28
    3686 Reputation
    Thing is for us it IS fandom
    Not an obsession, and certainly not unwanted or forced

    And like the time you started this it still holds true that none of us have your problem or live in a surrounding where a fandom like this is cause for harrassment
    So what do you want us to say?
    Anything we could have said we all said back when over and over again.

    ebizori is right.
    If you feel that this is a FORCED and UNWANTED OBSESSION (for years now) then a psychoanalyst is the ONLY one who can help you.
    None of us can
    And this is my last comment on it
     
  • June 28
    329 Reputation
    I'll just chime in with a small correction to Ebizori and Matt. While I agree it definitely looks like you might wanna see someone about this, I think what you want is a psychologist. A psychoanalyst is sort of a sub-profession within the field of psychology that has been outdated for quite a few decades now.

    Sorry, but as a soon-to-be psychologist myself I just wanted to point out the distinction! :)
     
  • June 28
    39 Reputation
    Against my better judgement (which has told me to just ignore your posts so far), i'm going to chime in once.

    Clearly there are quite a few of us here that live in the west - the US in particular. There was a good amount of local attendance at the concerts. Nobody else seems to mention this assault and bullying thing that you repeat over and over. Even barring my personal experience (and just for completeness, I watch videos while I commute and don't hide them from people, I watch them when I travel for work on trains and planes, I have some merch at work, I wear my merch on weekends when i go out and when I travel to other cities/countries for work and pleasure - i have never had any issue with bullying because of either my screen or my clothing), the general population does not seem to have any issues with being a victim of any hate crimes. You seem to like to use the argument "just because it doesn't happen to you does not mean it doesn't happen to me). Based on all the information, it seems that you are the exception and not the rule. That would suggest to me it's not this hobby causing your grief.

    Maybe you've put yourself in a situation where you've created a self fulfilling prophecy: you call yourself a loser for liking a girl band, act like a loser because you've deemed yourself as such, and people then treat you that way because you present yourself that way. Or maybe you like telling this story of how american jocks all hate you because you're a nerd who likes girl bands. Or maybe you're trolling. I don't know. What I can confidently say is this seems to be a unique issue for you, and so you might want to examine the actual cause of your misfortunes.
     
  • MM305
     
    June 28
    511 Reputation
    dimsumli said:

    Maybe you've put yourself in a situation where you've created a self fulfilling prophecy: you call yourself a loser for liking a girl band, act like a loser because you've deemed yourself as such, and people then treat you that way because you present yourself that way. Or maybe you like telling this story of how american jocks all hate you because you're a nerd who likes girl bands.



    Well...If those folks who assaulted me are not known for having airhead/idiotic tendencies, didn’t grew up with any speech/mental disabilities or obstacles, had the luxuries to live a normal adult life (license, car, job, money, house) and were able to sexually attract a lot folks because of it, were incredibly popular because of their skills in any popular major (sports for example), listen to the music that happens is the cool thing for everyone else and avoid the music that would get them bullied, and are physically and mentally strong and capable of defending themselves for any assault...what does that make me then (other than the complete opposite of them)?

    I would not want to say or call myself a loser, but if I’m factually the opposite of those folks, there’s gotta be a word for what’s going on with me or what I am, right?
     
  • June 28
    399 Reputation
    MM305 said:

    I would not want to say or call myself a loser, but if I’m factually the opposite of those folks, there’s gotta be a word for what’s going on with me or what I am, right?


    Well it's not "loser". You shouldn't measure yourself against others, because life is not a competition.

    You should only measure yourself against your old self. In other words, try and make some progress towards being a better person. Have goals, try and achieve them. Every time you make progress towards a goal, that's a win, making you a winner. And you're only a loser if you refuse to improve.

    I don't know anything about you personally (nor do I wish to, only subject I'm interested in talking about, on this site, is Momoclo), so a suggestion for a first step is this: stop making off topic, repetitive, annoying threads...and stop bumping the old ones you made. That would be an easy win. And a great example of a situation where your win makes everyone a winner.
     
  • June 28
    76 Reputation
    Matt hit it on the head. All of us, except you, are fans who truly and openly enjoy the fandom. We aren't ashamed of it and we don't want to stop it. But if you truly don't want it, then really the only answer for you is to give it up. If you can't give it up under your own volition, then you should honestly see a professional about it. You may think they won't understand MCZ, but they will understand obsession, and feelings of being a loser, and bullying, and everything else under that umbrella. They know how to help people get over obsessions and break addictions.

    You've got a lot going on. Regardless of your MCZ woes, you probably need to see a counselor anyway. If you are unable to work or live on your own then that means you probably have some sort of disability, which could be physical, mental, social, or any combination of them. Have you ever been diagnosed? See a counselor. Get help. If you are not disabled, then you have to get past whatever part of YOU is holding you back. Ugly people have succeeded in life. Degree-less and jobless people have been creative and succeeded in life. Single virgins have succeeded in life. Weaklings have succeeded in life. Homeless people have gotten off the streets and succeeded in life. Being any or all of these things is NOT a guaranteed FAIL stamp on your life! Hone whatever skills you have, start from the beginning if you have to and learn a skill, be artistic, use your brains, do something physical...do something. Even disabled people have succeeded in life.

    Get help! We here can't really help you. We are strangers, people in different parts of the world who only found each other because of a shared love for MCZ. Realistically, what can we do besides what we are doing now? But has that helped? You post the same things over and over again, because you still feel the same way. So have we helped? You need true, professional help that needs to be given by someone in real life, not a stranger in a forum.

    That is what you NEED to do. Get professional help. If you are in the USA, then you should already be on disability, but if you're not, visit your state's Social Security Office and get signed up. They will provide you with medical care, which should include counseling. I told you about my disabled friend before, remember? He has a counselor provided by Social Security.

    Then, you can either escape this unwanted passion of yours and find other things in life, or learn how to enjoy the fandom in a healthy way and stay a part of this community.
     
  • MM305
     
    June 29
    511 Reputation

    . I told you about my disabled friend before, remember? He has a counselor provided by Social Security.



    I actually do not remember you having a disabled friend. How is he disabled? What was his struggle?

    Also, just to let you know: I'm NOT disabled to the point where I cannot live life regularly, but that I am rather slow on doing/saying things correctly and following along as fast others can.
     
  • MM305
     
    June 29
    511 Reputation
    Glitched re-comment
     
  • MM305
     
    June 29
    511 Reputation
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  • MM305
     
    June 29
    511 Reputation
    Glitched re-commenr
     
  • MM305
     
    June 29
    511 Reputation
    Glitched re-comment
     
  • June 29
    39 Reputation
    MM305 said:

    dimsumli said:

    Maybe you've put yourself in a situation where you've created a self fulfilling prophecy: you call yourself a loser for liking a girl band, act like a loser because you've deemed yourself as such, and people then treat you that way because you present yourself that way. Or maybe you like telling this story of how american jocks all hate you because you're a nerd who likes girl bands.



    Well...If those folks who assaulted me are not known for having airhead/idiotic tendencies, didn’t grew up with any speech/mental disabilities or obstacles, had the luxuries to live a normal adult life (license, car, job, money, house) and were able to sexually attract a lot folks because of it, were incredibly popular because of their skills in any popular major (sports for example), listen to the music that happens is the cool thing for everyone else and avoid the music that would get them bullied, and are physically and mentally strong and capable of defending themselves for any assault...what does that make me then (other than the complete opposite of them)?

    I would not want to say or call myself a loser, but if I’m factually the opposite of those folks, there’s gotta be a word for what’s going on with me or what I am, right?


    and you're sure people are picking on you because of momoclo and not because of your long list of self pity that you chose to lay out once again?
     
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